Somewhere I Belong
by TooDifficult
Summary: Several years has passed since the Shaman Tournament and Ren wonders whether he has made the right choices since then. JeannexRenxHoro WARNING: Contains spoilers for the end of the manga.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING**: Contains spoilers for the end of the manga. Also contains, sexual references, Guy on guy love. Don't read it if you don't like it.

**Summary**: Several years have passed since the Shaman Tournament. Ren wonders whether he has made the right choices since then.

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Chapter 1

Ren Tao sighed, and tapped his pen on the desk. This is what his life had become, a business man, a family man, who spent hours dedicating himself to his studies, in order to keep the Tao name alive. He was married now, to Jeanne D'Arc, or also known as The Iron Maiden. After the Shaman Tournament, Ren had decided to go abroad and attend university, also in this time he married his wife, and they had a child.

Ren had finally got what he wanted, a family. Ren glanced at the clock, it was coming to twelve a midnight, he massaged his temples and threw his pen back down on the desk. It was pointless, he had been working all day on these damned accounts and nothing was adding up. Jeanne and Men had long gone to bed. Men, was Ren's first child, a little boy. It was one of the happiest days of his life, when he was brought into this world. He finally got what he wanted, a family. He promised to be a great father, a proper Dad, one to be proud of. He would teach Men the proper values of life, and make sure that he had a better childhood, than the one he had.

But in the bottom of Ren's heart, he felt something. He felt emptiness. He had worked so hard on getting his own family, and now that task seemed to be complete, but there was something missing.

He loved Jeanne, he truly did. She was strong woman, she has values, courage, she has ambition, and she also shared some of the same emptiness that Ren had, she was orphaned, she too never had a proper family so this was something new to the both of them. She strived to be the best that she could possibly be, and she was smart too. They only ever had sex once they were married. She believed in saving herself, until the night of their marriage and Ren respected her for that. She was everything that a certain hot-headed, rude, loud-mouthed, annoying, Shaman wasn't, but why was _he_ in his mind.

It was true, that he shared moments with Horo, back in the tournament. They both denied their feelings for each other but each night it was always the same result. Harsh, hard, sex. It was a fight for dominance, a fight to see who would be on top. They'd grab each other, pin the other down, pull at their hair, rip the clothes off. Ren loved seeing the Ainu writhe underneath him, scream his name, the heavy panting, the sweating, the hungry kisses.

Their night time activities were always kept secret. Nobody was allowed to know, they knew that their friends would be disgusted in that type of behaviour, and their families would most likely disown them. The both of them would sneak off to find an empty to room, to be sure not to disturb Joco. During the day time they would fight and argue as always, by night, they still had the same fighting energy.

Ren's feelings for Horo were deeper then he let on. When the Shaman Tournament came to an end, and Hao was defeated, they each went their separate ways. They both agreed it was the best, but he could see in Horo's eyes that he was hurt.

Ren then travelled to Europe to study at university, this was where he met Jeanne. It was convenient for him to start a family with her, they were both strong shaman, and she was certainly a woman worth marrying into the Tao family. He believed that he loved her, to a certain extent, but it was a different kind of love of that he had for Horo.

They rarely kept in touch, a part from the odd letters to one another, to see how the other was doing. They also met up last summer, when the group reunited for the first time in years, this was when Horo first saw Men. He was shocked to at least, but he could feel the atmosphere tense around them, Horo had no kids, and no wife either.. had he been waiting for Ren all this time? Ren shook the idea out of his head. It was too late now, they had to move on.

The room soon filled with cries from the baby monitor. Ren looked over to the monitor, before standing up and quickly made his way down to Men's room before he woke Jeanne. Ren walked over to Men's bed, and picked him up. He rocked him his arms, shushing him him once again, trying to get him to fall back asleep. Ren looked to the crying boy, and sighed deeply. This was where he belonged, wasn't it?

After what seemed like an hour of settling Men back down to sleep, Ren lay the boy back down in the crib. A crack in the floorboards, made Ren aware that he was no longer alone. He glanced over his shoulder and noticed his wife standing at the door in her night dress, looking rather tired and exhausted, he gave her a sympathetic smile, and whispered, "I just got him back to sleep.." He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her.

Jeanne smiled and rested her head on Ren's chest, "You should come to bed, honey.. You shouldn't stay up all night working."

Ren looked down to Jeanne, and kissed her softly on the lips, "I was just on my way." Jeanne looked up to Ren lovingly and returned the kiss. She glanced over to Men's crib, before taking Ren's hand as they both headed towards their own bedroom.

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**AN: Here's the first chapter, may take some time updating this one. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry, it's been a while for this story, but I promise I'll get somewhere now!**

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Chapter 2

Living a monotonous life was not how Ren expected his life to turn out. The same daily routine was practically killing him slowly. He had the kind of life that many envied him for; wife and a kid, he had enough money already to buy himself anything he desired in the world, but money couldn't buy him the one thing he wanted the most.

He spent most of his days behind his desk back at the office. His secretary arranging his life, setting up meetings or being sent across sea's for business and cooperate meetings. Back at his house, it was the same with Jeanne, always nagging, as wives do, he thought. Many thought of Ren as high-strung, cold-hearted boss. Family was the only thing that mattered to him, the harsh look in his eyes only softened when he saw his son.

_However, one weekend, it was all going to change for Ren.  
_

"Honey, there's a visitor at the door for you," Jeanne sang as she walked down the corridor to Ren's study, "Honey?" She knocked on the door, and slowly peered in to see Ren sitting behind his desk, "You have a visitor."

Ren let out an exasperated sigh, before closing the folder and looking to his wife, "Who is it?"

"Come through," She smiled, "You'll be in for a big surprise."

"You know I don't like surprises, now who is it? I don't have time for this," He sent his wife a look, but she remained at the door smiling. "Fine," he rose to his feet and walked over to Jeanne, "Who is it?"

"You'll see," She smiled and the couple walked through to their living room.

It was then when Ren noticed that mop of blue hair, in it's usual mess and glory, his eyes widened to the size of saucers and he couldn't help but stare. The Ainu turned to meet Ren with his usual cheesy grin. Ren couldn't help but notice how much taller the Ainu was, and how well built his body had become. These years had done well for the boy – but he was no boy anymore.

"Hey," Horo managed say casually, breaking the silence out of the three.

"What are you doing here?" Ren answered quickly, but kept on staring at the Ainu.

"I was in town, and I thought to come by you," He smiled again, and stuck his hands in his pockets, "Nice place you got here."

"You were just in town? You came all the way over to China, what business do you have in Hong-Kong?"

"Okay, well, I guess I needed a holiday," Horo shrugged and looked to Ren, "but I need a place to crash."

"You come on a holiday and just assume that I'll allow you to stay in my home?" Ren raised a brow, "Not a chance, you'll disrupt the peace."

"But Ren!" Horo cried out and looked to him pleadingly.

"No, just… no."

"Honey! Don't be so rude," Jeanne looked over to Horo and smiled warmly, "Of course you can stay Horo Horo, and we have a spare room just down the corridor. Don't mind my husband; he's just been in a grump lately."

Ren shot a glare in Jeanne's direction, "I'll be in the study, don't disturb me," The Chinese quickly made his exit and returned to his desk, _"What the hell am I to do now?"_


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hi, here's Chapter 3. I'm going to be trying to do this story faster now. I'm back into the writing mode again. **

**However most of my chapters seem to be short, but I prefer keeping them short and to the point.**

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Chapter 3

The Chinese remained in his office, fobbing Jeanne off with excuses not to disturb him. After all these years of waiting to Horo again, he never expected him to just turn up on his door step. They had made next to no contact since the Shaman Tournament. Golden eyes remained fixed at the computer screen, there was no windows open, just the blank screen of the desktop. His thoughts remained on Horo.

Ren's cheek were tinted red at the thought of the Ainu. He looked more mature and grown up, but still wore that smile that he loved. _"Love?"_ He couldn't possibly love Horo, he loved his wife, well so he tried to convince himself.

The thought of loving another man disgusted him, didn't it?

If this is what he believed then why was he so fixated on Horo?

Ren's attention moved away from the computer screen but over to the open window. The traffic outside was clouding his thoughts, the street was always so busy. This was not the type of place that Horo would come here simply for a "holiday."

So why was he here?

Horo's laughter echoed down the corridor from the living room, Ren could hear Jeanne giggle in the background. He could have swore that he heard is name being said in the middle of their conversation. Curiosity got the better of Ren, and made his way over to the door, but once he reached the door his hand hovered over the handle. He felt compelled to go through there, to talk to the man, to see him but Jeanne would most certainly see a change in him, and he wasn't ready to take that risk yet.

Ren was too caught up in his own mind to notice a tap at the door, before it slowly creaked open and knocked into him. He quickly stood back and looked to the visitor who's head was slowly peering in. It was him, and his big smile.

"Hey, why were you hiding behind the door?" Horo said jokingly and moved further into the room, quietly closed the door behind himself.

"I wasn't hiding, I was on my way out," Ren narrowed his eyes, and fixed a glare upon the Ainu. He couldn't help but put up the defensive wall. After all these years, Horo couldn't possibly have the same feelings for him. They both had agreed at the Shaman Tournament, their nightly activities meant nothing. It was just a way for them to have some fun, and be adventurous with their youth.

"Oh, well..." Horo started, and looked to Ren and leaned back on the door, "I just hadn't seen you all this time here, It just felt like you were hiding away from me."

"I was busy," His eyes darted back towards the desk to signal the pile of paper work that was placed neatly in its trays.

"Oh, well you could take a break. No point in working yourself to the ground."

"No, Horo. I can't simply take a break because you turned up in my home unannounced. What are you even doing here? Why now?" Ren's glare harshened, and squeezed his fists tightly. He could feel his emotions rising within him, he couldn't help but feel angry at Horo. He was making him have second thoughts over his whole life, his own sexuality.

"I wanted to see you," was Horo's answer, "After all these years Ren. I just wanted to see you again, you've achieved so much, you have a wife, a child. You've grown up so much," A faint smile crossed the Ainu's lips, as he looked to Ren. Ren couldn't quite read what sort of emotion Horo was keeping to himself, but he felt the sudden urge to run up to him and hold him tightly.

"It doesn't involve much effort getting one of those Horo, I'm sure you could have a family of your own," However, Ren still kept his cold glare upon Horo. Ren turned and briskly made his way back over to the desk, "Now if you please, I'm behind schedule now."

Horo watched Ren, and let out a soft sigh, "You still have the same attitude though, but I'll be here for a couple of days. Maybe you might have a day off then." Horo waited for the Tao's reply, but he got none, and reluctantly turned and opened the door to leave, taking one last glance at Ren. The Chinese's eyes darted back over to Horo but quickly looked back down to the sheet.

Horo slowly walked out of the room, and the door shut behind him. Ren could hear the foot steps slowly descend down to the living room once again. He swung back on the chair and leaned his head back to look up to the ceiling. The talk with Horo had done no favours for him. He wanted to keep a level head, and do what was best for his family, for the Tao's, but it was still difficult.

Horo slouched back down on the couch, in the empty living room. He didn't know where Jeanne had gone but he couldn't help but feel. Coming here was one big mistake. He sighed deeply to himself, and ran his hands through his azure hair, _"God, what am I going to do?" _

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**AN: Thanks for Reading. Please Review, it would help me with improvements. Next chapter will be soon.**_  
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	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Here's the next update. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Warning: Contains a bit of HoroxRen smex, so if you don't like it, don't read it!  
**

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One down. Two down. Three. Ren pushed the empty shot glass infront of him, and poured another round of whisky. Each shot relieving his clouded mind, the thoughts that he had been trying to escape from all day. The Tao leaned back on the counter, with golden eyes cast downwards towards the floor. The alcohol was settling into his system, and he could feel his shoulders lighten as the weight was lifted off them.

Ren let out a light sigh and picked up the glass of whisky, and swirled the liquid around before shooting it back. The alcohol burned slightly as it trailed down his throat, and hit him directly in the stomach. It was soothing. However his peace was soon to be disrupted when a creek from across the room signalled that he was no longer alone. The visitor moved across the room towards the fridge and opened it cautiously, before stopping half way.

"What are you doing in the dark?" His visitor questioned, "That's just creepy, Ren!"

"I'm entitled to do what I want... in my house," He moved from his corner and walked towards Horo, "Why are you looking in my fridge at this time of night?"

"I, uh... I thought to get a bite, I hope you don't mind." The Ainu smiled nervously, his eyes dark eyes turned to meet Ren's golden ones. A blush tinted his cheeks as he noticed the Chinese, with his slightly flushed cheeks from the alcohol, his soft facial features, and how his lips were slightly parted, ever so seductively.

Ren looked back up to Horo and scanned his face, wondering what the older man was thinking. He wasn't sure where this was going to lead to, but he felt all his common sense leave him, he felt as though he was thrown back the past and returned to his fifteen year old self. No-one seemed to be interested in saying anything but a silence was hoovering around them, It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but the atmosphere grew all the same.

Ren noticed that Horo had taken a step towards him, and the fridge door was gently shut. The Ainu licked his bottom lip subconsciously with his eyes fixed down on Ren, like he was a child tempted by candy. Ren took the chance to say something, but Horo had beaten him to it.

"Ren..." He let out in a breath, a hand shifted up onto Ren's arm, and rub it ever so gently, "I've really missed you."

Ren's eyes remained fixed upon the man, all his thinking was lost. The alcohol had obviously affected him more than he expected. Horo moved in closer to Ren, after not getting no response, he took that as a sign to continue. He gently put his hand under the shorter man's chin, Ren tensed up slightly at the sudden touched, and looked back into those dark eyes.

Those eyes that were filled with such emotion, it was strong and pure. Those eyes that he had missed so much. He only then noticed how close their faces were, and he could feel Horo's hot breath against his. The way the man's lips were slightly parted, "I really missed you, Ren." Ren watched the way those lips moved, and how they crashed against his own. His eyes fluttered shut, and let out a gasp allowing Horo to move his tongue into the hot cavern. The Ainu pulled the Chinese into his body, with his hand snaking downwards to grab that firm butt cheek. Ren let out a lustful moan, and soon felt himself been pushed back along the room. They bumped into furniture as they went along, and the younger male soon found himself pushed up against the kitchen counter in another heated kiss.

They were lost in a frenzy, hands wandering and exploring each others bodies, finding out how much they had grown, new sensations and new addictions. Horo grabbed a hold of Ren's hand, and pinned it above his head against the kitchen cupboard, his hand slipped in under his shirt and skilfully moved along Ren's body, and massaged and pinched at Ren's nipple.

The Tao let out a gasp, his head lolled back against the cupboard door, his eyes remained shut. Clearly he was losing this fight for dominance but he was caught in a passion that he had missed out on for so long. He couldn't find the words to describe the feelings that he had towards Horo, but he felt shivered slightly as he felt his shirt being removed from his body. He arched his back as he felt that set of lips move quickly up from his stomach towards his chest. Then tongue tactfully licked and teased his nipples, before moving towards his neck and bit and sucked at it. Ren let out soft gasps and moans, before looking back down towards the older man.

Horo's hands wandered down towards Ren's waist, then traced across the line of his trousers, his lips moved back up to Ren's and met him in another heated kiss as he started to unbuckle the belt. Ren felt the pressure grow in his groin, and felt that Horo wasn't moving quick enough,and thrust his hips upwards in desperation.

Horo smirked into the kiss, "A little desperate, are we?" His hand snaked downwards and sneaked into Ren's trousers to grab a hold of his length. Ren let out a loud shuddery moan, and rolled his head back. Horo was surprised that their activities hadn't woke up anyone else in the house, but at this moment in time he didn't want to think about the consequences. Ren just looked so seductive, his mouth slightly agape, with the beads of sweat trailing down his body, and how flushed red his cheeks were. He was the picture of perfection.

Horo's talented hand starts to pump Ren's length, as he worked the rest of his trousers down his legs, Ren let out soft gasps and moans, with his eyes clouded with lust. Horo could feel the heat rise in his own crotch, as he watched Ren, and increased the speed of his hand. Ren felt overwhelmed with pleasure, and kept panting quickly, "Uh.. uh.. ah, Horo.."

Horo loved the way that Ren called his name, the way that Ren looked right now. He knew, at this moment in time, that Ren was all his. However, their moment of passion was cut short, when the heard the crying of a baby in the background. It was like alarm bells ringing, that snapped Ren back into reality. His eyes quickly snapped open, and shoved Horo of him. He quickly pulled himself together and unbuttoned his shirt. He didn't dare look into Horo's eyes, but he hastily made his way towards the door.

"Ren! Stop! Wait!" Horo quickly made his way over to Ren, and grasp a hold of his shoulder, "Wait, don't walk away, please." Ren kept avoiding eye contact, but could hear the pleading in Horo's voice, "Please, talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about," with that Ren made his leave towards his son's room, leaving Horo to himself.

"Shit," Horo muttered to himself, "Shit! Shit! Shit!" The Ainu walked over to the bottle of whisky and pulled open the lid and took a few quick swigs of, then scrunched up his face in distaste. His trip to China hadn't gone to plan, but he didn't expect to do anything like _that_ with Ren so soon.

He had come to terms with his sexuality soon after the Shaman Tournament. After his nightly activities with Ren, he tried to convince himself that they were just being adventurous, as young people do. He fancied girls before, but now he fancied guys too, but not just any guy, it was just Ren. Ren didn't seem to share the same feelings towards Horo and had told him that it would end after the Shaman Tournament, and Ren was true to his word. He got married, had a kid, Ren had it all – but why did he still come?

Horo was no home wrecker, but it was his sister who convinced him to spill his feelings to Ren. She argued that Ren would never have exposed himself in that way if he didn't care, which he thought was a good point.

"Now what? I never explained anything to him," Horo let out a deep sigh, and returned to his room. The house was silent again, Ren had managed to get Men to bed, and presumed that he had gone to bed himself. Tomorrow would be difficult, but he would explain everything to Ren, whether he wanted to hear it or not.

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**AN: Thanks for reading, reviews/criticism would be appreciated. I'm always looking for ways to improve things.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hello again, Here's the next installment. I hope you enjoy it. I know it sounds picky, but please review just so I know that people want to continue to read this story. It's the only way that I would know if people actually like reading it.  
**

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Jeanne D'Arc, or now known as Jeanne Tao, was a very ambitious woman. She had career plans, and dreams of becoming a doctor. She always wanted to help people, for "the greater good," and it was during her time at university that she met her husband. She had fallen for him straight away. It was almost cliché, "love at first sight," as they say. Ren had matured a lot since the Shaman Tournament, and he was a stunning, polite and courteous man. He treated her with respect, and followed her wishes. They were married, and started their family, albeit they were rather young to start one. Jeanne never had the chance to finish her degree but she planned to do so in the future once Men was old enough to go to school.

Mrs Tao had awoken in a bad mood. She was greeted with the alcoholic stench of her husbands breath whilst he slept, and she noticed the way he shadily walked into the room last night. She too had woken with Men's crying during the night, but it was her husband who had attended to him – under the influence of alcohol. That was not a good role model.

xxxx

To further worsen her mood, she found a half empty whisky bottle standing on the counter with one glass beside it. He was drinking on his own, not even with Horo Horo! Was her husband turning into some kind of alcoholic?

The stacked the dishes high on the the drainer of the kitchen sink, and washed them with aggression. Her mind was churning over with the thoughts of Ren. What was the deal with his sudden change of behaviour? Why was he becoming a recluse? And an alcoholic? Was there something wrong with his life? Was she doing something wrong?

The silver haired maiden let out sigh, and stared down to the dirty soapy water. She knew marriages took a lot of effort to keep the fire alive, but Ren was just making it difficult. He seemed to spend more time at that desk, then time with his family. She soon came to the conclusion that the sudden change of behaviour with her husband was down to his work overload.

She hoped.

"Morning," The maiden spun around to be greeted by Horo Horo's smile, and she retuned it with the same light hearted one.

"Morning, I made breakfast if you would like some. Just help yourself, it's over there on the counter," She nodded in the direction, before returning to her cleaning.

Horo watched the woman for a brief second, and he could already feel the guilt forming within. She was so unaware of what had happened last night, and he felt that he had no right in doing it. He did want Ren, but at the expense of breaking up his family?

The Hokkaido native made his way over to the counter, and filled his plate with some pancakes with syrup. Ren was obviously hiding away again, he knew that he wouldn't want to talk, and he practically took advantage of the Chinese man as he was under the influence of alcohol, _"What am I doing?"_

"Ren's not awake yet, would you believe that he drank half a bottle of whisky to himself last night?" Horo Horo snapped out of his thoughts to look around to Jeanne, "I could smell it on him, and I found the singular glass beside the bottle. I don't know what's wrong with him." Horo Horo cast his eyes downwards, and walked over to the breakfast bar to eat.

"I don't know either, I guess you'll have to ask him yourself," It was a blatant lie, but he couldn't risk giving anything away. Ren would most likely make a cover story for himself.

"It's just plain rude, you came all this way to China, and he hasn't even tried to spend any time with you," She said in agitated tone whilst she dried her hands off with a towel, "He's still not out of his bed yet."

"He's still asleep?"

"No," The pair spun around to find the Chinese standing at the door, with a cold glare fixed upon them, "If you're going to gossip about people, please, be quieter." The Tao walked across the room to fix himself a coffee, keeping his attention away from the two, who were still staring at him.

Jeanne was the first to reply, by throwing the dish cloth out of her hands onto the nearby counter, "What is wrong with you, Ren Tao? Drinking late in the night? Sleeping all morning! This is not you!"

"I can do as I please," came the cold reply, as he stirred his coffee.

"We have guests Ren! The least you could do is be polite!"

Horo suddenly felt rather awkward as he sat in middle of the domestic argument, and returned to eating his pancakes trying to block them out.

"He's not a guest! Guests are invited! He came here unannounced! He's just some riff-raff off the street"

Horo's head shot up, and turned around to look at Ren. His mouth opened and closed for a while like some sort of fish but soon felt it wasn't his place to get involved in middle of their argument. He turned back to his pancakes once again.

"Ren! That's rude! He's a friend of yours!"

"He's no friend of mine, I didn't even want him here!"

The remark shot through the Ainu's heart, like a bullet. The argument was surrounding him more than anything else, and he came to the conclusion that he had long out-lived his welcome. Without taking a look back at the couple, he hurried out the room towards his.

"Ren," Jeanne looked around to notice Horo leave the room, and shot a glare at her husband, "Honestly!" She hurried out the room after Horo, "Horo Horo wait, he didn't mean that."

She wasn't the first person on his list that he'd expect to run after him, but he stopped to look at her with a faint smile across his lips, "Jeanne, it's alright. I said I was only going to stay a couple of days. I'll just return to my travels."

"You can stay however long you want, Horo Horo. Don't feel upset by what Ren said. I think it's just down to stress from work."

"No, seriously. I'm fine..." The man nodded, and smiled trying to convince the woman otherwise.

The maiden nodded lightly, and patted the man on the shoulder, "Okay, just tell me when you're leaving." She turned on one foot and made her way back towards the kitchen to find her husband staring down the cup of coffee with his hands held tightly around it.

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Truthfully, Ren didn't want Horo to leave, but he couldn't risk his family life blowing up in his face. He couldn't break Jeanne's heart, they had vows to each other, they had a son, and to add to that, he couldn't ruin the Tao's reputation like that.

He knew Horo understood this, he made it clear at the Shaman Tournament, so why on earth was he here now. His eyes glanced over towards the door frame to find his wife standing there with her hands poised on her hips. He knew she was about to nag again, but he didn't have the energy to fight back, he really couldn't care less.

He heard the sound of a suitcase being dragged down the corridor, and that's when he noticed the mop of blue hair stand behind his wife. He knew what he was going to say, but he couldn't stop it.

"Well, this is bye, I guess," His tone was quiet, upset. He was never good at hiding his feelings, he always wore them on his sleeve. Ren looked away from the man, and marched away across the room towards the window.

Horo Horo watched the Chinese man, before looking to Jeanne. Jeanne looked back to Horo Horo, "It was nice having you here, you can come back anytime."

Horo laughed a little at the thought of it, there was no way in hell would Ren accept him back here, "Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Thanks Jeanne." The pair walked towards the exit, and Jeanne waved him off goodbye.

Ren remained standing at the window, looking down to the blunenette as he walked off down the street. He held the cup tightly in his hands as he watched the Ainu walk out of his life, once again.


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